Friday, June 17, 2011

In Brightest Day

Tonight I went out to a movie.

Okay, that in itself is no great feat, but with how I've been feeling so anti-social and awkward, I'm pretty proud of myself for leaving the house. And pushing myself to spend time with a new friend.

We went and saw Green Lantern. It was terrible. If you know of my alter-ego, I will post a full review of the film on that site. But I did walk away better off than when I sat down.

There's this thing about the Green Lanterns. Their whole power is based on willpower. They're not fearless, but have the ability to overcome fear. And I think I did a bit of that myself tonight.

I'm not a super hero. I'm just a girl who, by some accounts, has had an extraordinary amount of garbage dumped on her in the past couple of years. I don't always deal with it in the best way possible, or in some cases, deal with it at all. Sometimes I just bury my head in the sand, like I mentioned earlier.

Tonight though, I made an effort to spend time with a new friend I think is pretty rad, despite having a prior friendship with my ex. Not knowing what she has heard about me, and fearing the worse, I invited her out to the movie with another super rad friend and I. I almost didn't. But when I saw she posted on Facebook about wanting to go see GL tonight and looking for people to see it with, I told myself to take that chance. We have met at a few events, and talk somewhat regularly online, and seem to have a lot in common, and well, damnit. I told myself I can't just piss away potentially cool people because I am afraid my ex is being his charming self and saying all sorts of wonderful things about me.

It was a huge step for me.

I'm usually very timid about making new friends. It's a social skill I never learned as a child. Add that to becoming downright afraid of what people think of me now, it's no wonder I rarely leave my house.

I was also very shocked today when another friend, who was telling me about how a mutual acquaintance of ours had been asking about me. My friend didn't divulge the details of what's been going on, but said how I've been going through some rough times, but am coming out better and more brave because of it. She told me she thinks I am brave. She also told me that I have inspired her through my trials and subsequent candidness about them and my journey to recovery.

It really, really made me smile. Like I said, I'm no super girl, but knowing that I can help at least one person makes all of this worth it. Even if her circumstances are different, the chances I take about opening up about this is not only helping me, but helping others. Thank you, my friend, your belief in me and your own courage, gives me strength.

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